Bestselling Atomic Habits author James Clear recently called out in his newsletter, “There’s a difference between feeling tired and feeling empty. One probably needs sleep. The other may need purpose. And then he posed this question: “Are you low on rest or low on meaning?” You might even add: Or are you feeling the need for connection?
Understanding the nuance of this question signals self-awareness. It’s a helpful state of consciousness because we can give ourselves what we need—whether it’s self-care, a higher purpose, or quality time with friends and loved ones.
When we have self-awareness, we’re not only better to ourselves, but we’re also better with others, particularly those we lead. We can successfully navigate relationships because we’re aware of our own behavior and the likely impact it has on others.
But how do leaders gain self-awareness when it requires awareness to begin with? According to research psychologist Tasha Eurich, only 10 to 15 percent of people are self-aware. The good news is that everyone can build this essential skill.
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Say you’re a leader who needs to mobilize and nurture a team; this could be a pressing concern—or not. Because if you lack self-awareness, aren’t you in the dark about it? If you’re in a leadership position, here are some cues that might help:
- Start by Noticing the Signals Others Send
Self-awareness can start with blind spots. One of the best ways to find the edges of your perception is to watch how others react to you. Do people hesitate before sharing feedback? Are you often surprised by how your messages land? Are you the last to find out there’s been a miscommunication on your team?
These aren’t faults—they’re invitations. When others appear uncomfortable, confused, or disengaged, it might be your cue to look inward.
- Seek Out (and Actually Use) Feedback
Many leaders say they’re open to feedback. Fewer actually make it safe and easy for others to speak honestly. The difference between checking the box and cultivating true awareness is in your response: Do you listen with curiosity or defensiveness? Do you follow up with change?
I often talk about leadership starting with humility. And humility is what transforms feedback from something you tolerate to something you pursue. Whether it’s through anonymous surveys, one-on-ones, or trusted peers, the goal isn’t praise—it’s pattern recognition.
- Get Quiet to Get Clear
Sometimes, the clearest insights come when we’re not chasing them. Build in time to reflect—truly reflect—on your day, your decisions, and how others responded to your leadership. Journaling, stillness, or even just asking yourself three questions at the end of each day can help:
- What went well today?
- Where did I feel friction with others?
- What might I have contributed to that tension?
Self-awareness grows in the spaces where we allow ourselves to reflect. So, circling back, how do you as a leader gain self-awareness when you may not know you lack it?
It starts with the courage to ask better questions—not just of yourself but of those around you. And it continues with creating a safe environment for people to answer without retribution, because leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about having the courage to ask the right questions and pursue the truth with humility.
