Over the course of 60-plus years of living, I have had a number of conversations about what I’ll broadly describe as “life goals.” I’ve shared the big dreams for my life with others, and I have listened to others as they shared theirs.
Not once in all of those years and in any of those conversations do I recall anyone suggesting, much less saying, that their ambition in life—their life goal—was to have no positive impact on the world around them.
A few folks certainly live that way. They take no obvious, proactive measures to have a positive impact and, so, they have no positive impact. But if you asked them if they would like to make a difference in the world, even a small difference, I don’t suspect they would say no.
The rest of us—the vast majority of men and women all over the world—want our lives to make a positive difference and look for opportunities to make that happen.
We want to say words that encourage and support our loved ones. We want to take actions that improve the lives of our coworkers. We want our work to contribute to society.
We want to have an impact in seemingly small ways like with a kind word to a barista and in bigger ways like with a significant project at work or in our community.
Elliot Kotek and I were discussing what it means to make an impact and how we can go about doing it when he was a guest recently on Off the Rak. And the award-winning documentary filmmaker and talented writer summed up most of what we discussed in a pretty simple equation.
Ideas plus Empathy equals Impact.
There’s more to it, of course, but you want to start by combining ideas with empathy or else the other stuff that’s important won’t really matter.
Ideas Without Empathy
What often happens when we genuinely want to have a positive impact is that we identify a problem and come up with what we think is a great solution.
Sounds like a great place to start, right?
But when we don’t combine our idea with what I’d call empathetic compassion – relating enough to another person that we genuinely care about contributing to their well-being – then we won’t have the impact we’re seeking.
A lot of people think they have great ideas, Elliot said, and then try to impose their ideas on others without really understanding the situation and the people involved.
Never miss a post about leadership, transparency, and trust by signing up for my weekly mailing list, delivered right to your inbox. Sign up here.
“If they’re not listening to what’s actually needed, it might be a great idea forced onto the wrong environment,” he told me. “And so we like to say it’s only by having the great idea and then also having that ability to listen, empathize, connect, and have compassion for someone else that leads to that impact.”
Watch a clip from the full episode
Empathy Without Ideas
On the flip side, having off-the-charts EQ isn’t enough by itself to create impact.
Some leaders, Elliot pointed out, get “stuck in that moment of listening, of being compassionate, of being empathetic, of being understanding.” And if they don’t eventually “put a bow on it,” they never move toward something positive.
Ideas + Empathy = Impact
– Elliot Kotek
“Without adding an idea to the empathy,” he said, “you also can’t have impact.”
There’s an age-old parable that reflects this formula in action. A man is robbed on a highway and left to die. Two prominent people see him and know exactly what to do to help, but they cross to the other side, not wanting to get involved. A third person sees the injured man and, despite their cultural and ethnic differences, he gets the man some help.
The third person combined empathetic compassion with an idea and then acted on it and had a positive impact. That seems like a worthy goal for all of us
