When I launched my Off the Rak podcast, I was excited about the variety of guests I would invite to the show and the learning moments they’d share with my listeners.
What I never anticipated was how grateful I would be for every interaction and how much each guest would teach me. And if that wasn’t enough, I’ve experienced something unexpected: reciprocal gratitude.
When people reciprocate our gratitude, they “actively respond to our expression of thanks by showing their own appreciation or kindness back to us.” While the meaning of reciprocal gratitude is deceptively simple, the thread of kindness—when it’s received and given—weaves a stronger connection and forms a trust between two people.
Gratitude transcends politeness; it carries with it something authentic from the giver. I’ve noticed this firsthand with my wonderful guests who appear on Off the Rak.
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For instance, after receiving my note and gesture of thanks, February guest Elliot Kotek responded in kind with a care package—full of goodies from his home country of Australia and a terrific book I’m enjoying called What We Keep by Bill Shapiro and Naomi Wax. While I’m no doubt enjoying the Tim Tams treat while I turn the pages of this book, what I appreciate most is the connection we made, the thoughtfulness behind each item, and a chance to know Elliot better.
I can’t help but wonder if leaders practiced reciprocal gratitude with their colleagues what their relationships might look like. Here are some qualities to consider if you’d like to initiate reciprocal gratitude with colleagues or with friends and loved ones, for that matter:
- Unexpected. Showing appreciation for something someone has done for you is expected, but making a gesture when it’s not doubles the impact. Consider Ellen. She received an unexpected handwritten note from a former employee she had sponsored during her tenure with the company. They hadn’t spoken in years, but the employee reached out to tell Ellen how much she appreciated a small piece of advice Ellen had given her early in their careers. She said it had shaped the way she led her team and, in turn, how she mentored others. What struck Ellen most was that the employee had nothing to gain—she simply wanted to reciprocate the gratitude Ellen had shown for her efforts.
- Demonstrates knowing. A thoughtful form of reciprocal gratitude is when the gesture demonstrates knowing. Meet Malek, a leader who loves hiking and the outdoors. After a particularly grueling project, Malek’s colleague gave him a National Parks pass as a thank-you for the help he provided during a particularly tricky client negotiation. The gift was something that reflected who he was and what he enjoyed. It showed that the colleague not only valued Malek’s guidance but also paid attention to what mattered to him beyond the office.
- Anticipates needs. Another great way to reciprocate gratitude is by anticipating someone’s needs. Imagine Sarah, who is a CEO and had a number two in her company working a lot of evenings and weekends to meet an important deadline. She knew the long hours were keeping her colleague from family time, so she sent the employee’s partner a gift card for dinner with a note saying how much the company appreciated their patience and hoped that they could enjoy some long-awaited quality time.
In today’s fast-paced business world, reciprocated gratitude not only stands out, but it’s also the hallmark of leaders who care about cultivating relationships. Reciprocal gratitude isn’t just about saying thank you or transactional politeness—it’s about fostering deeper relationships through unexpected kindness, thoughtful gestures, and genuine appreciation.
February 17 is Random Acts of Kindness Day. Learn more about how you can make kindness the “norm” from the The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation at its website, randomactsofkindness.org.
